Timothy Nathaneal a doulos of Christ Jesus, according to the commandment of God our Savior and of Christ Jesus who is our hope; to the Saints outside and behind the wall, true Phishermen in the faith, grace, mercy and peace from God the Father, Christ Jesus our Lord and the Holy Spirit our helper in this lost and ever darkening world. Keep in mind however, my beloved, that we have been saved from the penalty of death, so we are not of this world. We are citizens of the Kingdom to come!
I never started out with the intent to give my testimony last month or to talk about my depression, but I do know this…satan wants to keep us in the dark, to keep us silent. This is where he works the best at his game by telling us “You are not worthy of God’s love and your sin is too big for the atonement and when they find out, they will hate you”. He shames us into silence and in that silence there is no voice to speak to the hurting. There is no voice crying out to let us know we are not alone in sin, we then are fooled into believing that we are alone in our shame.
Romans 4:6-8…David also speaks of the blessing on the man to whom God credits righteousness apart from works: “Blessed are those whose lawless deeds have been forgiven, and whose sins have been covered.” “Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will not take into account.”
Paul has just described the blessing enjoyed in the here and now by the justified believer. Like a mighty river that waters the earth, so justification overflows its banks with peace, grace, hope and love. Paul traces that river of justification to its source, the fountain of God’s eternal love, the cross where “Christ died for the ungodly” (Romans 5:6). Who are ‘the ungodly’? Well, that is you and me; all of us, not just some of us. “Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).
What kind of love is this that suffers the agony of the cross in my place on behalf of a true sinner? It is a love that springs forth completely from its own initiative. Paul is showing the one-sided character of God’s love expressed through the death of Christ. It was not for a “righteous man” or “good man” that Christ died, but for people who were altogether unworthy of His love.
Let me try to paint a picture by sharing a story. In 1934, young Prince Edward visited a small British hospital where 36 wounded veterans of WWI were being treated. After leaving the dorm room that housed the injured soldiers, the prince asked the nurse, “I understood you to have 36 patients here and I’ve only seen 29?” The nurse explained that the other 7 were too disfigured to be seen. But the prince insisted that she take him to them, so she did. After spending a few minutes with each soldier, the prince again turned to the nurse and said, “I have only seen 6 men! Where is the seventh?” The nurse’s face paled. “Please your highness, don’t ask me to see him,” she said. “He is in the ICU and too pathetic to look upon.” Again the prince demanded and the nurse reluctantly led him into a darkened room. For a moment the young prince stood silently and stared at the horrible spectacle of what remained of a blind and dismembered soldier. Then, tears ran down his face and the prince bent low over the broken hero and kissed him reverently on the cheek.
A noble deed certainly, but there was One who stooped far lower to kiss broken humanity whose ugliness far surpassed that of the dying soldier. Unlike the soldier, there was nothing in us that so moved the heart of God---no valiant deed, no brave sacrifices, no humble service. What a nauseating effect our stubborn rebellion and pretended goodness must have on a Holy God! Yet in a move that completely dwarfed the bold kindness of the prince, Christ dared to die. Not for good men, not for heroes, but for the ungodly, for sinners, for us. Now that’s love!
Perhaps you remember as a child being anxious when it came time to choose up teams for a game. If you weren’t very athletic, you may have feared being the last one chosen by a captain for a team. That was my sports world. If this was your experience too, you may remember how elated you were if chosen early in the line-up. Being chosen or not chosen is a recurring event in our lives. Even small children must compete for limited space in private schools. Being chosen for a job is also competitive. We are even competitive with ourselves, often setting goals too high to achieve. We live in a world of winners and losers, the haves and the have-nots, cons and nacs. At church are you in the “inside circle” or outside of it.
Billy Boy, a brother in Christ, used to stay awake at night as a child worrying whether or not he was one of the “elect” who had been chosen to go to heaven. Brought up as he was in the Presbyterian Church with a Calvinistic belief in predestination, he feared that God might not have foreordained him to salvation, but to eternal damnation. How I wish that I had known Billy Boy back then; I would have assured him that God wouldn’t miss having him as part of the family of Christ.
A fear that most of us have is that we might not be loved. We want to be loved and accepted by others. Knowing ourselves as we do, we wonder how anyone could love us if one knew who we really are. As a result, we’re not sure that we can love ourselves. With those doubts, how could God love us since God knows even our secrets?
Jesus talks on these issues through parables. Luke 15:11-32 is a familiar parable of the Prodigal son. The younger of two sons asks for his inheritance and then goes off to a distant country and squanders it. Recognizing that he has made a big mistake, he returns home. “I’ll go back to my father’s house. I won’t ask to be his son. If only I can be one of the hired hands, I’ll have something to eat.” The father, seeing his son in the distance, runs to him with boundless joy. He accepts his son back and calls for a party. By this story, Jesus tells us of God’s boundless love for us---that even when we fail, God is willing to accept us back. God always chooses us. Now the other son, of course, believing that faithfulness should be rewarded and failure scorned, is furious that his father has prepared such a celebration for the sinner son. In the story, the elder brother is the prototype of religion in Jesus’ day and perhaps of some forms of allegedly Christian faith of today. The younger son represents the publicans and sinners; the elder brother represents the Pharisees and Scribes. Whereas the younger son might seem to be deserving of unsparing condemnation because of his over the top living, the older son suffered from self-righteousness, self-pity and jealousy.
So, was the elder son the real prodigal? One prodigal went away; the other stayed home. But, Jesus said that both sons are chosen. The son who made a big mistake is forgiven and received home with compassion. The son who is full of himself with legalistic values is loved also. The father says to him, “Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.”
Perhaps we have had experiences being the younger son; and I’m sure we’ve all had experiences where the role of the elder son was a perfect fit. Many times we have no patience with people who squander time and money---who are “irresponsible”. I can hear the cries now: “Cut them off and make them work”; or “Lock ‘em up and throw away the key.” The trouble with this common sense but cold attitude is that it often turns hearts of flesh into hearts of stone. Condemnation becomes a substitution for compassion.
I doubt that Jesus would ever recommend irresponsible living simply because God is willing to forgive; but Jesus gave a message of good news that is hard for some to accept. God’s love is not fair. God is too generous. God suffers from a deep love for us that sees beyond our failures, whether we are over-the-top sinners, self-righteous snobs or somewhere right in the middle. The Good News of Jesus, as Billy Boy states it now is that “We are forgiven; nothing more, nothing less”. God chooses to love us whether we are particularly good or bad. God proposes to love us without the least regard for what we deserve.
We all know that justice is part of love; and if we are centered in our Lord we have to treat one another with equal respect. But often it is not justice that we want for ourselves. We need money. We need something more powerful and more life-giving: generosity, forgiveness and love. Justice without love and forgiveness would prevent us from being able to return to our heavenly Father.
It is difficult sometimes to accept God’s unconditional love for us. When God chooses, we are all meant to be winners, no matter what side of the wall you call home. We’re not ranked according to our merits; and we only become losers when we turn away from the heart of God and we choose to play our own game of life—apart from God. We can choose “loose living”. We can spend time admiring our own virtue. Or, we can return daily to God’s forgiving arms; arms that want to hold us in an eternal embrace. Whether you are the younger son (daughter) or the older son (daughter), you have to realize that you are called to become the father (mother). The issue is not just about how we will be received by our heavenly Father. It is also about how we will receive one another.
When someone has made poor choices for his or her life, will our first response be condemnation or compassion? Can we borrow God’s eyes and see each other as God sees us---beloved, as we were known in Eden? If we can become compassionate parents to others, can we accept our original goodness in Christ and see it in others?
Last month I let you know how far sin had taken me: Murderer, adulterer, thief and blasphemer. I’m not just one of the prodigal sons, I am both.
I was asked “Why would I put that stuff in writing and hand it out in prison? You “f”ed up big time. Now everyone is going to know you are a S.O. Watch your back—bad move”. Why would I do this? FREEDOM! The truth will set you free. Secrets kill us from the inside. We worry, what if… Daily living in fear. But God tells us “fear not”!
This young man that asked why does not know how Jesus works. This is God’s way:
- Moses: murderer
- David: adulterer and murderer
- Peter: denier
- Thomas: doubter
- Paul: murderer
God let us know their biggest failures so that we would not be alone in ours. The Holy Spirit knows why my testimony needed to be told and now I know. Satan can not shame me with silence and I know your testimony and my testimony can help someone only if we tell it. Satan knows this. He needs you to keep silent to keep fallen saints from God’s love. Last month’s Phish bowl touched many…some have started to open up and find freedom in Christ; others have been encouraged to share their story. We are stronger when we are united as one!
By the way, Jesus has my back and besides this one cat, only good has come from sharing the truth. Praise to God!
Contribution for Phish Bowl by D.W. Irons: Isaiah 55:11 states “so shall my Word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.” The Word of God will indeed accomplish what the Lord intends for it to. In the lives of every person the Word of God brings about two results: First, condemnation leading to eternal separation from God. John 3:19, 20: “And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.” My brother Timothy Nathaneal and I, along with many others before us, know all too well what it is like to have our abominable, wicked deeds exposed before the one true living God and those we cared about, in addition to seeing the destruction, heartache and pain we caused the victims of our crimes.
The second thing that the word of God produces is mercy, bringing about deliverance from the power of sin (Romans 6:5-14) and the penalty our sin deserves (Romans 6:23 and Hebrews 8:12). Take a minute and read these passages of Scripture. Pray and ask God to revel any behavior you may be participating in that is an abomination before God of which you need to repent. Don’t be deceived. We are all in need of repentance. No man is free from sin. Ecclesiastes 7:20 says: “For there is not a just man on earth who does good and does not sin.” I John 1:8, 10 says: “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His Word is not in us.” Have no fear for our Lord is indeed merciful and ready to forgive all who call upon the name of Jesus Christ for salvation.
Updates:
• I’m doing well. The darkness lifted as soon as I told satan to take a jump. He has no power over me. He is a liar!
• Softball season is upon us here at Fremont and I was asked to field and coach a team. Now, remember, I’m not a jock. So during Saturday’s batting and fielding practice, yours truly was at bat. (Keep in mind that just one week earlier, I had cortisone shots in both of my hands). Here came the perfect ball, just over the plate. I swung with my best Babe Ruth and as the bat rounded the plate and missed the ball, we all found out that my hands were not at full strength. The bat flew through the air, as if it were a military helicopter, heading right for a COP! God was on my side as it landed just feet away from him. It just so happens that I’m good with this C.O. and he knew it was an accident. But, it did not help when this young “white boy” went up to him and told him, “It’s bad when we send the preacher after you with a bat”!
• God’s favor on me: I was moved in my cell house to a new cell. This cell is called the “pent house” because it is the second biggest cell and a corner cell that has windows on two walls and a view of the whole valley. Out of all the cells, this is the one to have. God has given me favor with the guards and provided me with a good new cellie. My cell # is 7S325
I never started out with the intent to give my testimony last month or to talk about my depression, but I do know this…satan wants to keep us in the dark, to keep us silent. This is where he works the best at his game by telling us “You are not worthy of God’s love and your sin is too big for the atonement and when they find out, they will hate you”. He shames us into silence and in that silence there is no voice to speak to the hurting. There is no voice crying out to let us know we are not alone in sin, we then are fooled into believing that we are alone in our shame.
Romans 4:6-8…David also speaks of the blessing on the man to whom God credits righteousness apart from works: “Blessed are those whose lawless deeds have been forgiven, and whose sins have been covered.” “Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will not take into account.”
Paul has just described the blessing enjoyed in the here and now by the justified believer. Like a mighty river that waters the earth, so justification overflows its banks with peace, grace, hope and love. Paul traces that river of justification to its source, the fountain of God’s eternal love, the cross where “Christ died for the ungodly” (Romans 5:6). Who are ‘the ungodly’? Well, that is you and me; all of us, not just some of us. “Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).
What kind of love is this that suffers the agony of the cross in my place on behalf of a true sinner? It is a love that springs forth completely from its own initiative. Paul is showing the one-sided character of God’s love expressed through the death of Christ. It was not for a “righteous man” or “good man” that Christ died, but for people who were altogether unworthy of His love.
Let me try to paint a picture by sharing a story. In 1934, young Prince Edward visited a small British hospital where 36 wounded veterans of WWI were being treated. After leaving the dorm room that housed the injured soldiers, the prince asked the nurse, “I understood you to have 36 patients here and I’ve only seen 29?” The nurse explained that the other 7 were too disfigured to be seen. But the prince insisted that she take him to them, so she did. After spending a few minutes with each soldier, the prince again turned to the nurse and said, “I have only seen 6 men! Where is the seventh?” The nurse’s face paled. “Please your highness, don’t ask me to see him,” she said. “He is in the ICU and too pathetic to look upon.” Again the prince demanded and the nurse reluctantly led him into a darkened room. For a moment the young prince stood silently and stared at the horrible spectacle of what remained of a blind and dismembered soldier. Then, tears ran down his face and the prince bent low over the broken hero and kissed him reverently on the cheek.
A noble deed certainly, but there was One who stooped far lower to kiss broken humanity whose ugliness far surpassed that of the dying soldier. Unlike the soldier, there was nothing in us that so moved the heart of God---no valiant deed, no brave sacrifices, no humble service. What a nauseating effect our stubborn rebellion and pretended goodness must have on a Holy God! Yet in a move that completely dwarfed the bold kindness of the prince, Christ dared to die. Not for good men, not for heroes, but for the ungodly, for sinners, for us. Now that’s love!
Perhaps you remember as a child being anxious when it came time to choose up teams for a game. If you weren’t very athletic, you may have feared being the last one chosen by a captain for a team. That was my sports world. If this was your experience too, you may remember how elated you were if chosen early in the line-up. Being chosen or not chosen is a recurring event in our lives. Even small children must compete for limited space in private schools. Being chosen for a job is also competitive. We are even competitive with ourselves, often setting goals too high to achieve. We live in a world of winners and losers, the haves and the have-nots, cons and nacs. At church are you in the “inside circle” or outside of it.
Billy Boy, a brother in Christ, used to stay awake at night as a child worrying whether or not he was one of the “elect” who had been chosen to go to heaven. Brought up as he was in the Presbyterian Church with a Calvinistic belief in predestination, he feared that God might not have foreordained him to salvation, but to eternal damnation. How I wish that I had known Billy Boy back then; I would have assured him that God wouldn’t miss having him as part of the family of Christ.
A fear that most of us have is that we might not be loved. We want to be loved and accepted by others. Knowing ourselves as we do, we wonder how anyone could love us if one knew who we really are. As a result, we’re not sure that we can love ourselves. With those doubts, how could God love us since God knows even our secrets?
Jesus talks on these issues through parables. Luke 15:11-32 is a familiar parable of the Prodigal son. The younger of two sons asks for his inheritance and then goes off to a distant country and squanders it. Recognizing that he has made a big mistake, he returns home. “I’ll go back to my father’s house. I won’t ask to be his son. If only I can be one of the hired hands, I’ll have something to eat.” The father, seeing his son in the distance, runs to him with boundless joy. He accepts his son back and calls for a party. By this story, Jesus tells us of God’s boundless love for us---that even when we fail, God is willing to accept us back. God always chooses us. Now the other son, of course, believing that faithfulness should be rewarded and failure scorned, is furious that his father has prepared such a celebration for the sinner son. In the story, the elder brother is the prototype of religion in Jesus’ day and perhaps of some forms of allegedly Christian faith of today. The younger son represents the publicans and sinners; the elder brother represents the Pharisees and Scribes. Whereas the younger son might seem to be deserving of unsparing condemnation because of his over the top living, the older son suffered from self-righteousness, self-pity and jealousy.
So, was the elder son the real prodigal? One prodigal went away; the other stayed home. But, Jesus said that both sons are chosen. The son who made a big mistake is forgiven and received home with compassion. The son who is full of himself with legalistic values is loved also. The father says to him, “Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.”
Perhaps we have had experiences being the younger son; and I’m sure we’ve all had experiences where the role of the elder son was a perfect fit. Many times we have no patience with people who squander time and money---who are “irresponsible”. I can hear the cries now: “Cut them off and make them work”; or “Lock ‘em up and throw away the key.” The trouble with this common sense but cold attitude is that it often turns hearts of flesh into hearts of stone. Condemnation becomes a substitution for compassion.
I doubt that Jesus would ever recommend irresponsible living simply because God is willing to forgive; but Jesus gave a message of good news that is hard for some to accept. God’s love is not fair. God is too generous. God suffers from a deep love for us that sees beyond our failures, whether we are over-the-top sinners, self-righteous snobs or somewhere right in the middle. The Good News of Jesus, as Billy Boy states it now is that “We are forgiven; nothing more, nothing less”. God chooses to love us whether we are particularly good or bad. God proposes to love us without the least regard for what we deserve.
We all know that justice is part of love; and if we are centered in our Lord we have to treat one another with equal respect. But often it is not justice that we want for ourselves. We need money. We need something more powerful and more life-giving: generosity, forgiveness and love. Justice without love and forgiveness would prevent us from being able to return to our heavenly Father.
It is difficult sometimes to accept God’s unconditional love for us. When God chooses, we are all meant to be winners, no matter what side of the wall you call home. We’re not ranked according to our merits; and we only become losers when we turn away from the heart of God and we choose to play our own game of life—apart from God. We can choose “loose living”. We can spend time admiring our own virtue. Or, we can return daily to God’s forgiving arms; arms that want to hold us in an eternal embrace. Whether you are the younger son (daughter) or the older son (daughter), you have to realize that you are called to become the father (mother). The issue is not just about how we will be received by our heavenly Father. It is also about how we will receive one another.
When someone has made poor choices for his or her life, will our first response be condemnation or compassion? Can we borrow God’s eyes and see each other as God sees us---beloved, as we were known in Eden? If we can become compassionate parents to others, can we accept our original goodness in Christ and see it in others?
Last month I let you know how far sin had taken me: Murderer, adulterer, thief and blasphemer. I’m not just one of the prodigal sons, I am both.
I was asked “Why would I put that stuff in writing and hand it out in prison? You “f”ed up big time. Now everyone is going to know you are a S.O. Watch your back—bad move”. Why would I do this? FREEDOM! The truth will set you free. Secrets kill us from the inside. We worry, what if… Daily living in fear. But God tells us “fear not”!
This young man that asked why does not know how Jesus works. This is God’s way:
- Moses: murderer
- David: adulterer and murderer
- Peter: denier
- Thomas: doubter
- Paul: murderer
God let us know their biggest failures so that we would not be alone in ours. The Holy Spirit knows why my testimony needed to be told and now I know. Satan can not shame me with silence and I know your testimony and my testimony can help someone only if we tell it. Satan knows this. He needs you to keep silent to keep fallen saints from God’s love. Last month’s Phish bowl touched many…some have started to open up and find freedom in Christ; others have been encouraged to share their story. We are stronger when we are united as one!
By the way, Jesus has my back and besides this one cat, only good has come from sharing the truth. Praise to God!
Contribution for Phish Bowl by D.W. Irons: Isaiah 55:11 states “so shall my Word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.” The Word of God will indeed accomplish what the Lord intends for it to. In the lives of every person the Word of God brings about two results: First, condemnation leading to eternal separation from God. John 3:19, 20: “And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.” My brother Timothy Nathaneal and I, along with many others before us, know all too well what it is like to have our abominable, wicked deeds exposed before the one true living God and those we cared about, in addition to seeing the destruction, heartache and pain we caused the victims of our crimes.
The second thing that the word of God produces is mercy, bringing about deliverance from the power of sin (Romans 6:5-14) and the penalty our sin deserves (Romans 6:23 and Hebrews 8:12). Take a minute and read these passages of Scripture. Pray and ask God to revel any behavior you may be participating in that is an abomination before God of which you need to repent. Don’t be deceived. We are all in need of repentance. No man is free from sin. Ecclesiastes 7:20 says: “For there is not a just man on earth who does good and does not sin.” I John 1:8, 10 says: “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His Word is not in us.” Have no fear for our Lord is indeed merciful and ready to forgive all who call upon the name of Jesus Christ for salvation.
Updates:
• I’m doing well. The darkness lifted as soon as I told satan to take a jump. He has no power over me. He is a liar!
• Softball season is upon us here at Fremont and I was asked to field and coach a team. Now, remember, I’m not a jock. So during Saturday’s batting and fielding practice, yours truly was at bat. (Keep in mind that just one week earlier, I had cortisone shots in both of my hands). Here came the perfect ball, just over the plate. I swung with my best Babe Ruth and as the bat rounded the plate and missed the ball, we all found out that my hands were not at full strength. The bat flew through the air, as if it were a military helicopter, heading right for a COP! God was on my side as it landed just feet away from him. It just so happens that I’m good with this C.O. and he knew it was an accident. But, it did not help when this young “white boy” went up to him and told him, “It’s bad when we send the preacher after you with a bat”!
• God’s favor on me: I was moved in my cell house to a new cell. This cell is called the “pent house” because it is the second biggest cell and a corner cell that has windows on two walls and a view of the whole valley. Out of all the cells, this is the one to have. God has given me favor with the guards and provided me with a good new cellie. My cell # is 7S325
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