August 2010 Newsletter

My beloveds, I pray that this little note finds you living in His favor. As for me, I was blessed this weekend with a visit from Barb S. (PBM editor). In Matthew 25:31-46, Jesus covers visiting prisoners. God has many times put it on my heart to cover this subject, but I don’t know if I am the right messenger. I ask, “Lord, will they get past me and see you? Will they hear your message? Will they set down their bias and respond to Christ’s call to love?”

I want to make this clear, loud and clear. This is not about me. Even though I do not hear from most of you, writing Phish Bowl is a gift from God and even though I use it as a tool to update you about me, the reason Phish Bowl exists is to call you to service. It’s about forsaking pet sins before it is too late. It is a wake up call from a fallen Saint who knows the true cost of sin and has felt the full wrath of God’s anger. I was taken to death’s door step and told “Death” or “Follow me”; “Door number one or door number two”; Timmy! Now that’s Jesus’ love in full force! I can see the world through the bars. I know many of you will say, “God does not work like that”. I and many of the forsaken Saints have this in common in our testimonies. I pray daily that you and your loved ones will wake up before it is too late. I am not pointing fingers. I’m yelling: “Look, I’m you…turn back. There’s a hell to avoid”. Don’t fool yourself that Jesus overlooks sin. There is no little sin. No un-judged sin, no sin that gets swept under the carpet.

“Now, everything has been heard,

So I give my final advice:

Honor God and obey His commands,

Because this is all people must do.

God will judge everything,

Even what is done in secret,

The good and the evil.” Ecclesiastes 12:13-14

Let’s stop for one minute. Salvation is a free gift from God, through Jesus and Jesus’ blood covers all sin. I’m not talking about salvation by works, but James asks this:

“What does it profit, my brethren if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that (kind of faith) save him? If a brother or a sister is naked and destitute of daily food and one of you says to them,”Depart in peace, be warmed and filled”, but you don’t give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit? Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.” James 2:14-17

I would encourage all of you to read the complete passage on your own, verses 14-26 and also read Romans 3:28.

Paul covers grace and sin. “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not!” Romans 6:1

So what is all this leading up to? A command found in the New Testament. We are going to pick up in Matthew 25:31-44.

“Mt 25:31 "When the Son of Man comes in His glory, and all the holy angels with Him, then He will sit on the throne of His glory. 32 "All the nations will be gathered before Him, and He will separate them one from another, as a shepherd divides his sheep from the goats. 33 "And He will set the sheep on His right hand, but the goats on the left. 34 "Then the King will say to those on His right hand, 'Come, you blessed of My Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: 35 'for I was hungry and you gave Me food; I was thirsty and you gave Me drink; I was a stranger and you took Me in;

36 'I was naked and you clothed Me; I was sick and you visited Me; I was in prison and you came to Me.' 37 "Then the righteous will answer Him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry and feed You, or thirsty and give You drink?

38 'When did we see You a stranger and take You in, or naked and clothe You?

39 'Or when did we see You sick, or in prison, and come to You?' 40 "And the King will answer and say to them, 'Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.' 41 "Then He will also say to those on the left hand, 'Depart from Me, you cursed, into the everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels: 42 'for I was hungry and you gave Me no food; I was thirsty and you gave Me no drink; 43 'I was a stranger and you did not take Me in, naked and you did not clothe Me, sick and in prison and you did not visit Me.' 44 "Then they also will answer Him, saying, 'Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to You?' Mt 25:46 "And these will go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into eternal life." (NKJV)

Okay, where do I start? This section of Matthew is the final parable that Jesus has been covering. So far in this Gospel in Chapter 21, He talks about the “Parable of the Two Sons”, “The Wicked Vine Dressers”, and in Chapter 22 Jesus tells us about “The Wedding Feast” and “The Greatest Commandment”. Love. Moving on to Chapter 23, He rebukes the Scribes and Pharisees, He laments over Jerusalem. Now in Chapter 24, we will get “The Signs of the Times”, “The End of the Age, and the Great Tribulation.” At the end of Chapter 24 and moving on to Chapter 25, Jesus will cover:

“The Faithful Servant and Evil Servant”,

“The Parable of the Wise and Foolish Virgins”,

“The Parable of the Talents”, and

“The Son of Man will Judge the Nations”, Matthew 25:31-46.

So, don’t take my word on it…read it for yourself asking the Holy Spirit to guide you through His word. If you decide today is the day to study something in God’s Word, you will notice every section I have quoted is in red letters. (In the “red letter” bible, Jesus’ words are written in red.) So, it’s not Timothy Nathaneal, a doulos of Christ teaching you something, it is Him, God Himself.

So here it is in short since I cannot ever add to God’s words. This final section involves judgment. Matthew has been called “The Gospel of Judgment” because the subject occurs so often: Mt 25:1 "Then the kingdom of heaven shall be likened to ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. 2 "Now five of them were wise, and five were foolish. 3 "Those who were foolish took their lamps and took no oil with them, 4 "but the wise took oil in their vessels with their lamps.

5 "But while the bridegroom was delayed, they all slumbered and slept. 6 "And at midnight a cry was heard: 'Behold, the bridegroom is coming; go out to meet him!' 7 "Then all those virgins arose and trimmed their lamps. 8 "And the foolish said to the wise, 'Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.' 9 "But the wise answered, saying, 'No, lest there should not be enough for us and you; but go rather to those who sell, and buy for yourselves.' 10 "And while they went to buy, the bridegroom came, and those who were ready went in with him to the wedding; and the door was shut. 11 "Afterward the other virgins came also, saying, 'Lord, Lord, open to us!' 12 "But he answered and said, 'Assuredly, I say to you, I do not know you.' (NKJV) Mt 25:14 "For the kingdom of heaven is like a man traveling to a far country, who called his own servants and delivered his goods to them. 15 "And to one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one, to each according to his own ability; and immediately he went on a journey. 16 "Then he who had received the five talents went and traded with them, and made another five talents. 17 "And likewise he who had received two gained two more also. 18 "But he who had received one went and dug in the ground, and hid his lord's money. 19 "After a long time the lord of those servants came and settled accounts with them. 20 "So he who had received five talents came and brought five other talents, saying, 'Lord, you delivered to me five talents; look, I have gained five more talents besides them.'

21 "His lord said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.' 22 "He also who had received two talents came and said, 'Lord, you delivered to me two talents; look, I have gained two more talents besides them.' 23 "His lord said to him, 'Well done, good and faithful servant; you have been faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.'

24 "Then he who had received the one talent came and said, 'Lord, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you have not sown, and gathering where you have not scattered seed. 25 'And I was afraid, and went and hid your talent in the ground. Look, there you have what is yours.' 26 "But his lord answered and said to him, 'You wicked and lazy servant, you knew that I reap where I have not sown, and gather where I have not scattered seed. 27 'So you ought to have deposited my money with the bankers, and at my coming I would have received back my own with interest. 28 'Therefore take the talent from him, and give it to him who has ten talents. 29 'For to everyone who has, more will be given, and he will have abundance; but from him who does not have, even what he has will be taken away. 30 'And cast the unprofitable servant into the outer darkness. There will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. (NKJV) See notes above for Mt 25: 31-46. Mt 6:2 "Therefore, when you do a charitable deed, do not sound a trumpet before you as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory from men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward; Mt 6:5 "And when you pray, you shall not be like the hypocrites. For they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the corners of the streets, that they may be seen by men. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward; Mt 6:16 "Moreover, when you fast, do not be like the hypocrites, with a sad countenance. For they disfigure their faces that they may appear to men to be fasting. Assuredly, I say to you, they have their reward; Mt 7:24 "Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: 25 "and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. 26 "But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: 27 "and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall."; Mt 13:30 'Let both grow together until the harvest, and at the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, "First gather together the tares and bind them in bundles to burn them, but gather the wheat into my barn."'; Mt 13:40 "Therefore as the tares are gathered and burned in the fire, so it will be at the end of this age.; Mt 13:49 "So it will be at the end of the age. The angels will come forth, separate the wicked from among the just; Mt 18:23 "Therefore the kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 "And when he had begun to settle accounts, one was brought to him who owed him ten thousand talents. 25 "But as he was not able to pay, his master commanded that he be sold, with his wife and children and all that he had, and that payment be made. 26 "The servant therefore fell down before him, saying, 'Master, have patience with me, and I will pay you all.' 27 "Then the master of that servant was moved with compassion, released him, and forgave him the debt. 28 "But that servant went out and found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii; and he laid hands on him and took him by the throat, saying, 'Pay me what you owe!' 29 "So his fellow servant fell down at his feet and begged him, saying, 'Have patience with me, and I will pay you all.' 30 "And he would not, but went and threw him into prison till he should pay the debt. 31 "So when his fellow servants saw what had been done, they were very grieved, and came and told their master all that had been done. 32 "Then his master, after he had called him, said to him, 'You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. 33 'Should you not also have had compassion on your fellow servant, just as I had pity on you?' 34 "And his master was angry, and delivered him to the torturers until he should pay all that was due to him.; Mt 20:1 "For the kingdom of heaven is like a landowner who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard. 2 "Now when he had agreed with the laborers for a denarius a day, he sent them into his vineyard. 3 "And he went out about the third hour and saw others standing idle in the marketplace, 4 "and said to them, 'You also go into the vineyard, and whatever is right I will give you.' So they went. 5 "Again he went out about the sixth and the ninth hour, and did likewise. 6 "And about the eleventh hour he went out and found others standing idle, and said to them, 'Why have you been standing here idle all day?' 7 "They said to him, 'Because no one hired us.' He said to them, 'You also go into the vineyard, and whatever is right you will receive.' 8 "So when evening had come, the owner of the vineyard said to his steward, 'Call the laborers and give them their wages, beginning with the last to the first.' 9 "And when those came who were hired about the eleventh hour, they each received a denarius. 10 "But when the first came, they supposed that they would receive more; and they likewise received each a denarius. 11 "And when they had received it, they complained against the landowner, 12 "saying, 'These last men have worked only one hour, and you made them equal to us who have borne the burden and the heat of the day.' 13 "But he answered one of them and said, 'Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius? 14 'Take what is yours and go your way. I wish to give to this last man the same as to you. 15 'Is it not lawful for me to do what I wish with my own things? Or is your eye evil because I am good?' 16 "So the last will be first, and the first last. For many are called, but few chosen."; Mt 21:33 "Hear another parable: There was a certain landowner who planted a vineyard and set a hedge around it, dug a winepress in it and built a tower. And he leased it to vinedressers and went into a far country. 34 "Now when vintage-time drew near, he sent his servants to the vinedressers, that they might receive its fruit. 35 "And the vinedressers took his servants, beat one, killed one, and stoned another. 36 "Again he sent other servants, more than the first, and they did likewise to them. 37 "Then last of all he sent his son to them, saying, 'They will respect my son.' 38 "But when the vinedressers saw the son, they said among themselves, 'This is the heir. Come, let us kill him and seize his inheritance.' 39 "So they took him and cast him out of the vineyard and killed him. 40 "Therefore, when the owner of the vineyard comes, what will he do to those vinedressers?" 41 They said to Him, "He will destroy those wicked men miserably, and lease his vineyard to other vinedressers who will render to him the fruits in their seasons."; Mt 22:1 And Jesus answered and spoke to them again by parables and said: 2 "The kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who arranged a marriage for his son, 3 "and sent out his servants to call those who were invited to the wedding; and they were not willing to come. 4 "Again, he sent out other servants, saying, 'Tell those who are invited, "See, I have prepared my dinner; my oxen and fatted cattle are killed, and all things are ready. Come to the wedding."' 5 "But they made light of it and went their ways, one to his own farm, another to his business. 6 "And the rest seized his servants, treated them spitefully, and killed them. 7 "But when the king heard about it, he was furious. And he sent out his armies, destroyed those murderers, and burned up their city. 8 "Then he said to his servants, 'The wedding is ready, but those who were invited were not worthy. 9 'Therefore go into the highways, and as many as you find, invite to the wedding.' 10 "So those servants went out into the highways and gathered together all whom they found, both bad and good. And the wedding hall was filled with guests. 11 "But when the king came in to see the guests, he saw a man there who did not have on a wedding garment. 12 "So he said to him, 'Friend, how did you come in here without a wedding garment?' And he was speechless. 13 "Then the king said to the servants, 'Bind him hand and foot, take him away, and cast him into outer darkness; there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.' 14 "For many are called, but few are chosen."; Mt 24:45 "Who then is a faithful and wise servant, whom his master made ruler over his household, to give them food in due season? 46 "Blessed is that servant whom his master, when he comes, will find so doing. 47 "Assuredly, I say to you that he will make him ruler over all his goods. 48 "But if that evil servant says in his heart, 'My master is delaying his coming,' 49 "and begins to beat his fellow servants, and to eat and drink with the drunkards, 50 "the master of that servant will come on a day when he is not looking for him and at an hour that he is not aware of, 51 "and will cut him in two and appoint him his portion with the hypocrites. There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

This is to be expected since Matthew points to the coming of the kingdom and thus the Judgment that accompanies it. In the previous two parables, Jesus had been speaking of the Judgment on those Israelites who were unprepared for the coming of the Messiah.

So, I am going to ask, are you reading for His coming? It is not a story! He IS coming back for His Church. So, in light of Mathew 25, are you being a good servant? Remember this is not about me! But, if the prisons I have been to are the judge, we would get a D- as a grade. I’m blessed by a small group of Saints that have loved on me and by that, they have done for Christ, and it will be accredited to them.

Last week at a church Bible Study, we had to turn away over 50 men. Why, you will ask? Because we did not have enough volunteers. One volunteer is required to allow 25 men to attend the Bible Study. See, you don’t have to know how to teach or counsel someone. All that is needed is one more Saint to love on the forsaken. With just one more volunteer, 25 men would have heard God’s Word.

How about James 1:27: “Pure and undefiled religion before God and the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their trouble, and to keep oneself unspotted from the world.” I’ve got to stop because if Jesus’ words, Jesus himself will not cut your hearts, nothing I will say will do the job.

To keep anonymity of the Saint that keeps Phish Bowl Coffee House’s doors open, thank you from God our Father, Jesus our Savior and the blessed Holy Ghost who guides us daily through this dark world. We are daily bridging the gap left by the world; to love on, to minister to and to meet the needs. I hope that you are not in need….I just find myself in want. Even in prison, the worldly things call.

Up dates:

WORK: None. It’s been slow for a couple of months and now we are laying in stuff. So, I’ve not worked for two weeks. My new position lets me be the third to the last to be laid off, but that did not save my department. I have saved some money over the past year (God put this on my heart), so Phish Bowl should make it through this slow time. We have never had to turn someone down.

WEIGHT: Working on this one. During the summer months Fremont has a program called the “Wellness Program” which is to help kick start us. It goes for 4 months, every 4 days, so the truth needs to be told. I need some professional help. This month I weigh 225#.

And last, Brontë’s birthday is August 1^st. She will be 14 years old. Please take a minute and lift her and Bishop up to our Lord. Angels of my distribution, please pray for them.

July 2010

My dear fellow Phishermen and Saints,

I pray that Father is blessing you at this time of your walk. If you find yourself in a valley and it seems that Father is not listening, I would ask you to consider Daniel 10:12-13 and continue to take your request to God daily. We do not know what is going on in the Heavenly realm. I, Timothy Nathanael as a doulos for Christ, live in the blessed hope that we do not serve an absentee God. He is present and faithful. In what ways does God show His faithfulness to us? God has faithfully fulfilled His promise to send us a Savior. Luke 1:68-70: “Praise the Lord, the God of Israel, because He has visited His people and redeemed them”. He has sent us a mighty Savior from the royal line of His servant David, just as He promised through His Holy prophets long ago.

So where does my hope come from? Psalm 39:7: “Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you”. The Lord himself is the source of my hope, because He determines my future. Why should I trust God as my hope? Hebrews 6:18: “God has given us both His promise and His oath”. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Hebrews 10:23: “God can be trusted to keep His promise”. God cannot lie because He is Truth! God, therefore, cannot break His promises. His Word stands forever. I Peter 1:21: Because God raised Christ from the dead and gave Him great glory, your faith and hope can be placed confidently in God.

Let me ask you a question and I want you to think about it and ask Father God to search your heart. “What is too much to serve God?” In America, we live as kings and queens and whine like donkeys and spoiled brats. Do you really think that we have it bad? Have we become blind to the real world? What if I tell you that the people who study Bible prophecy do not find “America” in Bible prophecy! We think we are this Super Power that can’t go away; do think on this:

• The might of Babylon lasted only 86 years.
• The powerful Persian Empire did better, 208 years.
• The glory of Greece was eclipsed after 268 years.
• The British Empire endured for almost 250 years.
• The United States of America is 233 years old.

I woke up one day and all that I had put my hope and happiness in was gone. My future now was 10 years to life in prison. Now I could have chosen to be bitter and do my time in hate. There’s porn and drugs to spend my days with, if I choose to. I could lose myself in the world of gangs or I could just take my life and end it all. When life deals you something too big, that’s when you will know if you’re really His.

So, how can I have hope in what would seem a hopeless situation?
“The ropes of death surrounded me; the floods of destruction swept over me. The grave wrapped its ropes around me; death itself stared me in the face. But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from His sanctuary; my cry reached His ears”. Psalm 18:4-6

Hope then is trusting God to act in His good timing. Hope also means carrying with us an eternal perspective that realizes sin and evil may sometimes change our plans here on earth, but never God’s plans in Heaven.’’

Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

God can take your trouble and change it into treasure? Your sorrow can be exchanged for joy, and not just a momentary smile, but a deep new joy. It will be an experience of new hope that brings brightness to your eyes and a song to your heart. In the midst of the darkness, you will learn lessons you might never have learned in the day. We all have seen dreams die and turn to ashes---ugly things, hopeless and heart breaking---but beauty from ashes is God’s exchange.

Tears and sorrow come, but each time God will be there to remind you that He cares. Romans 8:38 means that God causes all things in our lives to work together for good; flowers can even grown on dung hills, and compost makes great gardens.

God is offering Himself to you daily and the rate of exchange is fixed. It is your sins for His forgiveness; your tragedy and hurt for His balm of healing and your sorrow for His joy. Give God the pain of sorrow; give Him the guilt you feel. Tears and heartaches come to us all. They are part of living, but Jesus Christ can ease the heartaches.

Remember, that you are not alone; many are in God’s waiting room for what seems like forever, learning lessons, suffering pain, and growing. But the fertilizer that helps us grow is in those valleys NOT on the mountaintops.

Real genuine healing is a process. It takes a long, long time for the deep hurts to be resolved. Sometimes it seems that they will be with us forever, but understanding them helps to dissipate their pains.

Life isn’t always what you want. Choose to love Him and serve Him no matter what. He will see you and your loved ones home safe at last. It is told to us, who live in darkness, being a light of Hope to the lost! We awaken every day saying, “I love you Lord. I choose to serve you today. Please keep me safe as I walk out of my cage.” We do this because He is God and deserves our worship. We do this because His Word tells us…

I will give them a crown to replace their ashes, and the oil of gladness to replace their sorrow and clothes of praise to replace their spirit of sadness. Then they will be called Trees of Goodness, trees planted by the Lord to show His greatness. Isaiah 61:3.

Updates:

Well, baseball is going well. We are just trying to go out and play 5 innings and go home not hurt! So far, so good! One win and one loss. One game rained out. I have been trying to drop 20 lbs. Over the winter, I kind of let myself go. I now know that lack of exercise contributes to depression. I also at times lost myself in food and TV; so here it is 232# and my summer goal is 212 pounds. And I’ve turned off the TV and am once again picking up books. This month is Grey L., The Signs of the Time. This has been a good read. Now for work, I’ve moved up to team lead. I continue to work for Jesus and He keeps blessing me. Phish Bowl Coffee House is still open daily every evening that I’m not at the church or the yard working out. Keep this work in prayer.

Now I’m going to ask everyone to take just one minute to lift up my kids to the LORD; my son, Bishop and daughter, Bronte. Just ask for His protection and guidance.

I love you Saints and I pray for all of you...

June 2010 Newsletter

Timothy Nathaneal a doulos of Christ Jesus, according to the commandment of God our Savior and of Christ Jesus who is our hope; to the Saints outside and behind the wall, true Phishermen in the faith, grace, mercy and peace from God the Father, Christ Jesus our Lord and the Holy Spirit our helper in this lost and ever darkening world. Keep in mind however, my beloved, that we have been saved from the penalty of death, so we are not of this world. We are citizens of the Kingdom to come!

I never started out with the intent to give my testimony last month or to talk about my depression, but I do know this…satan wants to keep us in the dark, to keep us silent. This is where he works the best at his game by telling us “You are not worthy of God’s love and your sin is too big for the atonement and when they find out, they will hate you”. He shames us into silence and in that silence there is no voice to speak to the hurting. There is no voice crying out to let us know we are not alone in sin, we then are fooled into believing that we are alone in our shame.

Romans 4:6-8…David also speaks of the blessing on the man to whom God credits righteousness apart from works: “Blessed are those whose lawless deeds have been forgiven, and whose sins have been covered.” “Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord will not take into account.”

Paul has just described the blessing enjoyed in the here and now by the justified believer. Like a mighty river that waters the earth, so justification overflows its banks with peace, grace, hope and love. Paul traces that river of justification to its source, the fountain of God’s eternal love, the cross where “Christ died for the ungodly” (Romans 5:6). Who are ‘the ungodly’? Well, that is you and me; all of us, not just some of us. “Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).

What kind of love is this that suffers the agony of the cross in my place on behalf of a true sinner? It is a love that springs forth completely from its own initiative. Paul is showing the one-sided character of God’s love expressed through the death of Christ. It was not for a “righteous man” or “good man” that Christ died, but for people who were altogether unworthy of His love.

Let me try to paint a picture by sharing a story. In 1934, young Prince Edward visited a small British hospital where 36 wounded veterans of WWI were being treated. After leaving the dorm room that housed the injured soldiers, the prince asked the nurse, “I understood you to have 36 patients here and I’ve only seen 29?” The nurse explained that the other 7 were too disfigured to be seen. But the prince insisted that she take him to them, so she did. After spending a few minutes with each soldier, the prince again turned to the nurse and said, “I have only seen 6 men! Where is the seventh?” The nurse’s face paled. “Please your highness, don’t ask me to see him,” she said. “He is in the ICU and too pathetic to look upon.” Again the prince demanded and the nurse reluctantly led him into a darkened room. For a moment the young prince stood silently and stared at the horrible spectacle of what remained of a blind and dismembered soldier. Then, tears ran down his face and the prince bent low over the broken hero and kissed him reverently on the cheek.

A noble deed certainly, but there was One who stooped far lower to kiss broken humanity whose ugliness far surpassed that of the dying soldier. Unlike the soldier, there was nothing in us that so moved the heart of God---no valiant deed, no brave sacrifices, no humble service. What a nauseating effect our stubborn rebellion and pretended goodness must have on a Holy God! Yet in a move that completely dwarfed the bold kindness of the prince, Christ dared to die. Not for good men, not for heroes, but for the ungodly, for sinners, for us. Now that’s love!

Perhaps you remember as a child being anxious when it came time to choose up teams for a game. If you weren’t very athletic, you may have feared being the last one chosen by a captain for a team. That was my sports world. If this was your experience too, you may remember how elated you were if chosen early in the line-up. Being chosen or not chosen is a recurring event in our lives. Even small children must compete for limited space in private schools. Being chosen for a job is also competitive. We are even competitive with ourselves, often setting goals too high to achieve. We live in a world of winners and losers, the haves and the have-nots, cons and nacs. At church are you in the “inside circle” or outside of it.

Billy Boy, a brother in Christ, used to stay awake at night as a child worrying whether or not he was one of the “elect” who had been chosen to go to heaven. Brought up as he was in the Presbyterian Church with a Calvinistic belief in predestination, he feared that God might not have foreordained him to salvation, but to eternal damnation. How I wish that I had known Billy Boy back then; I would have assured him that God wouldn’t miss having him as part of the family of Christ.

A fear that most of us have is that we might not be loved. We want to be loved and accepted by others. Knowing ourselves as we do, we wonder how anyone could love us if one knew who we really are. As a result, we’re not sure that we can love ourselves. With those doubts, how could God love us since God knows even our secrets?

Jesus talks on these issues through parables. Luke 15:11-32 is a familiar parable of the Prodigal son. The younger of two sons asks for his inheritance and then goes off to a distant country and squanders it. Recognizing that he has made a big mistake, he returns home. “I’ll go back to my father’s house. I won’t ask to be his son. If only I can be one of the hired hands, I’ll have something to eat.” The father, seeing his son in the distance, runs to him with boundless joy. He accepts his son back and calls for a party. By this story, Jesus tells us of God’s boundless love for us---that even when we fail, God is willing to accept us back. God always chooses us. Now the other son, of course, believing that faithfulness should be rewarded and failure scorned, is furious that his father has prepared such a celebration for the sinner son. In the story, the elder brother is the prototype of religion in Jesus’ day and perhaps of some forms of allegedly Christian faith of today. The younger son represents the publicans and sinners; the elder brother represents the Pharisees and Scribes. Whereas the younger son might seem to be deserving of unsparing condemnation because of his over the top living, the older son suffered from self-righteousness, self-pity and jealousy.

So, was the elder son the real prodigal? One prodigal went away; the other stayed home. But, Jesus said that both sons are chosen. The son who made a big mistake is forgiven and received home with compassion. The son who is full of himself with legalistic values is loved also. The father says to him, “Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. But we had to celebrate and rejoice, because this brother of yours was dead and has come to life; he was lost and has been found.”

Perhaps we have had experiences being the younger son; and I’m sure we’ve all had experiences where the role of the elder son was a perfect fit. Many times we have no patience with people who squander time and money---who are “irresponsible”. I can hear the cries now: “Cut them off and make them work”; or “Lock ‘em up and throw away the key.” The trouble with this common sense but cold attitude is that it often turns hearts of flesh into hearts of stone. Condemnation becomes a substitution for compassion.

I doubt that Jesus would ever recommend irresponsible living simply because God is willing to forgive; but Jesus gave a message of good news that is hard for some to accept. God’s love is not fair. God is too generous. God suffers from a deep love for us that sees beyond our failures, whether we are over-the-top sinners, self-righteous snobs or somewhere right in the middle. The Good News of Jesus, as Billy Boy states it now is that “We are forgiven; nothing more, nothing less”. God chooses to love us whether we are particularly good or bad. God proposes to love us without the least regard for what we deserve.

We all know that justice is part of love; and if we are centered in our Lord we have to treat one another with equal respect. But often it is not justice that we want for ourselves. We need money. We need something more powerful and more life-giving: generosity, forgiveness and love. Justice without love and forgiveness would prevent us from being able to return to our heavenly Father.

It is difficult sometimes to accept God’s unconditional love for us. When God chooses, we are all meant to be winners, no matter what side of the wall you call home. We’re not ranked according to our merits; and we only become losers when we turn away from the heart of God and we choose to play our own game of life—apart from God. We can choose “loose living”. We can spend time admiring our own virtue. Or, we can return daily to God’s forgiving arms; arms that want to hold us in an eternal embrace. Whether you are the younger son (daughter) or the older son (daughter), you have to realize that you are called to become the father (mother). The issue is not just about how we will be received by our heavenly Father. It is also about how we will receive one another.

When someone has made poor choices for his or her life, will our first response be condemnation or compassion? Can we borrow God’s eyes and see each other as God sees us---beloved, as we were known in Eden? If we can become compassionate parents to others, can we accept our original goodness in Christ and see it in others?

Last month I let you know how far sin had taken me: Murderer, adulterer, thief and blasphemer. I’m not just one of the prodigal sons, I am both.

I was asked “Why would I put that stuff in writing and hand it out in prison? You “f”ed up big time. Now everyone is going to know you are a S.O. Watch your back—bad move”. Why would I do this? FREEDOM! The truth will set you free. Secrets kill us from the inside. We worry, what if… Daily living in fear. But God tells us “fear not”!

This young man that asked why does not know how Jesus works. This is God’s way:

- Moses: murderer
- David: adulterer and murderer
- Peter: denier
- Thomas: doubter
- Paul: murderer

God let us know their biggest failures so that we would not be alone in ours. The Holy Spirit knows why my testimony needed to be told and now I know. Satan can not shame me with silence and I know your testimony and my testimony can help someone only if we tell it. Satan knows this. He needs you to keep silent to keep fallen saints from God’s love. Last month’s Phish bowl touched many…some have started to open up and find freedom in Christ; others have been encouraged to share their story. We are stronger when we are united as one!

By the way, Jesus has my back and besides this one cat, only good has come from sharing the truth. Praise to God!

Contribution for Phish Bowl by D.W. Irons: Isaiah 55:11 states “so shall my Word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to me void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.” The Word of God will indeed accomplish what the Lord intends for it to. In the lives of every person the Word of God brings about two results: First, condemnation leading to eternal separation from God. John 3:19, 20: “And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world, and men loved darkness rather than light, because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed.” My brother Timothy Nathaneal and I, along with many others before us, know all too well what it is like to have our abominable, wicked deeds exposed before the one true living God and those we cared about, in addition to seeing the destruction, heartache and pain we caused the victims of our crimes.

The second thing that the word of God produces is mercy, bringing about deliverance from the power of sin (Romans 6:5-14) and the penalty our sin deserves (Romans 6:23 and Hebrews 8:12). Take a minute and read these passages of Scripture. Pray and ask God to revel any behavior you may be participating in that is an abomination before God of which you need to repent. Don’t be deceived. We are all in need of repentance. No man is free from sin. Ecclesiastes 7:20 says: “For there is not a just man on earth who does good and does not sin.” I John 1:8, 10 says: “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we say that we have not sinned, we make Him a liar, and His Word is not in us.” Have no fear for our Lord is indeed merciful and ready to forgive all who call upon the name of Jesus Christ for salvation.

Updates:

• I’m doing well. The darkness lifted as soon as I told satan to take a jump. He has no power over me. He is a liar!

• Softball season is upon us here at Fremont and I was asked to field and coach a team. Now, remember, I’m not a jock. So during Saturday’s batting and fielding practice, yours truly was at bat. (Keep in mind that just one week earlier, I had cortisone shots in both of my hands). Here came the perfect ball, just over the plate. I swung with my best Babe Ruth and as the bat rounded the plate and missed the ball, we all found out that my hands were not at full strength. The bat flew through the air, as if it were a military helicopter, heading right for a COP! God was on my side as it landed just feet away from him. It just so happens that I’m good with this C.O. and he knew it was an accident. But, it did not help when this young “white boy” went up to him and told him, “It’s bad when we send the preacher after you with a bat”!

• God’s favor on me: I was moved in my cell house to a new cell. This cell is called the “pent house” because it is the second biggest cell and a corner cell that has windows on two walls and a view of the whole valley. Out of all the cells, this is the one to have. God has given me favor with the guards and provided me with a good new cellie. My cell # is 7S325

May 2010 Newsletter

To my beloved saints who have come to enjoy the message of Phish Bowl: I, Timothy Nathanael let you down on April’s newsletter. A lack of study time with a last minute mail date; all that the Holy Spirit was trying to get across, got lost in a choppy message put together by myself.

Over the last few months, I have not been myself. To be honest, I have been in a depression that I cannot shake. I’m so ready for the return of our Lord. No matter how hard I try to walk this walk in self-will, the muck and strains of prison discolors me. Daily I awaken and hope this day will be different; but as soon as they open my kennel, it is all too real that Satan and his doulos are at their work; the work of pulling down the saints with porn, drugs, and gambling all taking place over God. At every turn there is compromise. Last month what I wanted to say is there are not two roads, only one road-no middle ground. Even though I do not engage in porn, drugs or gambling, I still find myself ending up lost---not on His road and not given back in total sin; but in compromise of the standards of my own walk. It might be small to some, but sleep, slothfulness, TV. and joking that is anything but Godly, drags me back down into the swamp of the world’s ways. Most days I find myself nothing more than “a pig in the parlor”. How great is grace that it would be given to a wretch like me; to find true blessings that brokenness bestows on a servant who finds himself daily at the cross being cleansed over and over by His blood. We don’t fail in the Christian walk if we keep getting up!

As you should know by now, I am a convicted sex offended. I pled guilty and was rightly sentenced to 10 years to life in prison. When I was a youth leader and staff member of my old church/school, I had inappropriate contact with two teen-agers; one 16 and one 17. I don’t wish anyone to paint the wrong picture; with these young ladies, there was no sexual intercourse, but I did find myself alone with both girls dressed down to t-shirt and underwear with my hands on them, even to the point of me getting the 17 year old in a bed at times. I never wish to down-play what I did. But, I also don’t wish that imagination would paint an untrue picture, either. No one lost their virginity; there was no sex of any kind. What I did was wrong, illegal and most of all, a sin against God. I betrayed the church family that trusted me with their most precious gifts of God. I betrayed my wife of 18 years, abandoned my two kids, and above all, I mocked God, using the ministry He gave me to fulfill my innermost lust to act out years of porn. I re-crucified Jesus to the cross; I was the wolf in sheep’s clothing to all who knew me. I will not let satan shame me into silence. I tell you all of this not for me because there is no me anymore. I start my letter off with, Timothy Nathanael, but he died June 2005 and a doulos of Christ was reborn. D.O.C. calls him 132753. I tell you this so you too will repent. Sin has a price and it will demand payment. ALL sin has a price! See, if the time comes in your life that your sin seeps out of your skin and fills the room with a hog-pen odor, when the lies no longer hold together, the costume that you put on to fool the world, when darkness takes over all of you, God is there!

About two months after all of my sin came into the light, I had finally lost it all, so I thought: No God, no family, no church, no friends. I was living at a campground in a 23 ft. travel trailer when one Sunday morning, I put on my best jeans and went to church at Calvary Chapel South Denver. The drive there was one hour and I did not quite know at the time why I wanted to go to a church so far away. All I knew is that I wanted to be in His glory; whatever it was in church that makes me feel like all was going to be OK. This week some pastor from a church in Arizona was up on stage with a block of clay and a message of how God works with His people. As he worked this clay, cut this clay and watered this clay, he spoke God’s word right to my soul. I felt, I know if I only truly gave myself over to Jesus, only then could He do this work in me and my wrecked life. The time came when the pastor said, “If you want to give your life to Jesus, now, not tomorrow, raise your hand.” Oh how my pride yelled out from inside “NO!” “You can’t do this. What will these people think?” Well, it no longer mattered! I did not care what others thought of me…I only wanted the relationship with Jesus that this man was offering. So up went my hand, and down went my pride. As I stood there alone I begged God to forgive me, to come into my life…to be my LORD…all I wanted was to be His. To have Him feel all the emptiness and rid my life of all of the pain. No one approached me, there was no fanfare. I came to church this morning alone and as far as I could tell, I left there alone. No bright light. No heavenly music. No welcome to the family. Just me and I was about to find out, the Holy Spirit also.

The next five days it seemed like everything dark inside me, every sin I had ever committed, small to large was being pulled out and brought into the light. I could not hide, not at night or by day. I was a sinner that needed a Savior! In the presence of our Holy Father, without Jesus, the verdict would be damnation. No good I have ever mustered up in the flesh would be good enough. Nothing I could ever do in the future would cover murder, adultery, theft, or blasphemy. I found in my life all that was bad in this world and saw in Jesus all that was good…true hope.

Five days had passed and Friday rolled around. I was done. I gave myself to Jesus last Sunday…or did I? Was it just enough of a self seeking attempt to feel good and avoid the consequences of sin? Was it one more “get me out of this God and I will do…?” Why, for days could I not rid myself of my past? Why would God drag me down this painful road? Sleepless nights and days filled with despair. But still, all I wanted was Him. As I returned to an empty trailer, alone…or so I thought, I was done. And I mean I was done with this joke called life. I did not want to live any more. There was just too much pain. I had become a monster. I sacrificed all for a counterfeit love; lust, which in the end left me beaten to a bloody pulp. Lying face down in the dust of the damaged lives I had torn through.

I hit my knees in that dark trailer that night, crying out to God, clinging to my Bible, tears running down my face. I went from reading His word, mostly David’s Psalms, prayers of deliverance, to praying for the lives of those I damaged, to an hour of uncontrollable sobbing. And then it happened. I was out of tears and out of words. I looked up, as if to look into Heaven itself, and out of my mouth came a groan, and I don’t know where it came from or even what I said.

Romans 8:26-27: “Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God”.

And then I felt a warm touch on my right shoulder, it filled my body with peace. How I long for that one moment in time again. Somehow I knew it was not going to be easy, but He was…

Romans 8:28-30: “…we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.”

I know in that moment, some how this was all going to work out to His purpose. So I got up, washed my face and went outside. It was morning; it was Sunday morning. I knew it was time to move. So I packed up my trailer and went to an R.V. park which God put on my heart. This was not the closest R.V. Park to my old world or even my job. It was in a place called Loveland. After unpacking, I went to the office to borrow the Yellow Pages to find a church. As I sat there, He once again brought to mind something I had heard. See, when I was at C.C. S. Denver that last Sunday, their pastor was the guest pastor at some church called Calvary Chapel Loveland. I decided that the next Sunday I would visit this church.


The first week that I came to church, the pastor came up to me for a moment to welcome me. He commented on my “converse high tops” and asked me to come back next week, and so I did. This time, he once again approached me and asked, “Do we need to talk?” My response was, “Yes, if I’m going to continue to come to this church”. So, I gave him my number and left. About an hour or two later, I received a call from Pastor Kevin. “You don’t know us, but a family in the church has to move, today! Well, actually right now, and I saw your truck and we could use some help. Can you help?” As you can imagine, I did not really have a busy schedule any more, so the answer was yes!

I got there and we passed some small talk as we packed the truck. Afterwards, Pastor Kevin, myself and Joe piled into the front seat of an old pick up and off we were to a storage unit. When Joe stopped to get some sodas, Pastor Kevin asked, “Is it that bad?” I responded with, “Would seven felonies scare you?” Without a pause, he looked right at me and in a loving voice said, “Am I running?” Five years later, I testify to the truth, Pastor Kevin has never run, nor has C.C. Loveland rejected me, but instead has loved on me.

When your sin comes into the light, we have the choice to repent in a Godly manner or perish with the world. Paul writes about this in 2 Corinthians 7. I would suggest that you read all of 2 Corinthians 7, I will pick up in verse 10:
“For godly sorrow produces repentance leading to salvation, not to be regretted; but the sorrow of the world produces death”. Godly sorrow produces repentance; true sorrow for sins leads to a change of mind and a turning to God. Repentance means turning to God. True repentance results in spiritual deliverance, or salvation (2 Corinthians 6:2), but the kind of sorrow the world experiences produces death.

In past P.B., we have covered Peter’s denials of our Lord and his restoration. We see Peter’s genuine repentance as he wept bitterly. But more over, we see it at Pentecost where Peter openly proclaims Jesus to the world. Peter was just not sorry for being caught; he was sorry for what he had done and turned to God’s way.

(In my testimony there are two sides. You have my side in short, but still there are my victims, who should always have a voice. The only complete and total truth is when both sides come together and become one.)

But, if I am to boast of my new life, it will be of God’s grace on me, as He uses me to serve these men. Daily I live with a thousand ghosts, the memory of the ones I used. I cannot close my eyes without seeing them. I pray for our Lord to bless them, to guide them and to heal them. But no matter what, I am His. Phish Bowl testifies to this and so will countless others inside the church, outside the church, behind the wall, or those in the free world.

I don’t know when, or if, I will every get out of prison. But, I do know this, I, Timothy Nathanael, am a doulos of Christ and my purpose and hopes live in Him only. Any sin, any disobedience in my walk grieves me so. He breaks me daily, conforms me daily. I know I will find peace when I join Him and the Church in glory. He is my Savior!

Love from your brother,
Timothy - A Doulos of Christ
Ephesians 4:29-32

Man in Black
By: John R. Cash, 1971 House of Cash, Inc.

Well, you wonder why I always dress in black,
Why you never see bright colors on my back,
And why does my appearance seem to have a somber tone.
Well, there's a reason for the things that I have on.

I wear the black for the poor and the beaten down,
Livin' in the hopeless, hungry side of town,
I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime,
But is there because he's a victim of the times.

I wear the black for those who never read,
Or listened to the words that Jesus said,
About the road to happiness through love and charity,
Why, you'd think He's talking straight to you and me.

Well, we're doin' mighty fine, I do suppose,
In our streak of lightnin' cars and fancy clothes,
But just so we're reminded of the ones who are held back,
Up front there ought 'a be a Man In Black.

I wear it for the sick and lonely old,
For the reckless ones whose bad trip left them cold,
I wear the black in mournin' for the lives that could have been,
Each week we lose a hundred fine young men.

And, I wear it for the thousands who have died,
Believen' that the Lord was on their side,
I wear it for another hundred thousand who have died,
Believen' that we all were on their side.

Well, there's things that never will be right I know,
And things need changin' everywhere you go,
But 'til we start to make a move to make a few things right,
You'll never see me wear a suit of white.

Ah, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day,
And tell the world that everything's OK,
But I'll try to carry off a little darkness on my back,
'Till things are brighter, I'm the Man In Black.