Matthew 4:19
To my fellow Phishermen whose desires are moving away from this world to the Kingdom that will soon be here. I, Timothy Nathaneal, am a doulos of Jesus the Christ, charged by the Holy Ghost with a burden to call His saints no matter which side of the wall they live on, to a life that shines a clear path to God our Father the only living God.
As always, I ask that the Trinity guide my pencil each month as I write you all and pray that somehow in this ever darkening world, that He will raise up men and women that will answer the call to serve Him and forsake this world and its lost system. Wake up all of you! Do you not see the times are coming and the signs are clear? Stop putting off today for tomorrow. What guarantees do you even have that there is a tomorrow?
There is living inside of me, a war that some days I’m empowered by the Holy Spirit to live in Victory and other days I find myself on my knees at the foot of the cross once again: broken with a heart filled with anger, judgment and self-righteousness. Am I a bondservant (doulos) of the living God, or am I a slave to this world? Dietrich Bonhoeffer found himself at this same road in April 1943 when he was imprisoned by the Gestapo and while facing certain death, he served his fellow prisoners with a passion for Christ that even moved his guards. And during this time, he also penned a poem of his war with the flesh and spirit, Adam and Christ, the world and the Kingdom to come.
Who am I?
Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell’s confinement
Calmly, cheerfully, firmly;
Like a squire from his country house.
Who am I? They often tell me
I used to speak to my wardens
Freely and friendly and clearly,
As though it were mine to command.
Who am I? They also tell me
I bore the days of misfortune
Equably, smilingly, proudly,
Like one accustomed to win.
Am I then really that which other men tell of?
Or am I only what I myself know of myself?
Restless and longing and sick, like a bird in a cage,
Struggling for breath, as though hands were compressing my
Throat, yearning for colours, for flowers, for the voices
Of birds. Thirsting for words of kindness, for neighborliness,
Tossing in expectation of great events, powerlessly trembling
For friends at an infinite distance, weary and empty at praying,
At thinking, at making, faint, and ready to say farewell to it all.
Who am I? This or the other?
Am I one person today and tomorrow another?
Am I both at once? A hypocrite before others,
And before myself a contemptible woe-be-gone weakling?
Or is something within me still like a beaten army fleeing in disorder from victory already achieved?
Who am I? They mock me, these lonely questions of mine.
Whoever I am, thou knowest, O God, I am thine!
The Cost of Discipleship
D. Bonhoffer
1943, Tegel prison, Nazi Germany.
(In April 1945, Bonhoffer was executed by special order of Himmler, at the hands of the Gestapo, in the concentration camp at Flossenburg just a few days before it was liberated by the Allies.)
I have no rights as a doulos of Christ but to participate in this, a life of Christ. See there are two ways to read Bonhoffer: behind the wall or outside the wall. But only from prison do I hear the silent voice in his writing. So to those who would say “Lighten up…” I do wish you have what I have now, but without these chains.
For awhile now, Father has put some things on my heart to talk about. God lets us go through things which are good and bad to learn from and grow in Him. Then it’s our responsibility to then take our testimony of what Jesus is doing in our life and use it to help others. But today, the church would prefer to dress up and look good. Put on a good show, as if our body of believers had no sin! “The church today is a museum for saints instead of a hospital for sinners”. Raggamuffin gospel by B. Manning (paraphrased quote from memory).
What is so funny is that I find this attitude (disease) here in our prison church of believers. We put on our best greens and lie about what got us here, and then try to help others from this tower of self-pride.
So I’m back to this war! How, out of the same mouth (heart) do I praise Jesus for His mercy on me and thank the Holy Spirit for working through me and for this ministry and at the same time, pray for the children I orphaned, the victims I made, the church I used and the bride of my youth I betrayed?
Am I a sinner or Saint? Both! I am a man in need of a savior! This is the ‘cross’ road I find myself at: To look good to the world and the worldly church or bear the mark of Christ on me? Did I truly count the cost when I gave myself to Christ to be used as He sees best and then when I vowed myself as a Doulos some years later. How I hate this war in me, it will bring me to the cross time and time again: alone, empty, longing for His comfort and, begging for His power to relieve us from this torment of the flesh. With the “cry of” to death with self—long live Christ within me! For to die to Christ is to truly live.
The cost of being a follower of Christ: Luke 9:57-62. “Now it happened as they journeyed on the road, that someone said to Him, “Lord, I will follow you wherever You go.” And Jesus said to him, “Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head.” Then He said to another “follow me”. But he said, “Lord, let me first go and bury my father.” Jesus said to him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and preach the kingdom of God.” Another also said, “Lord I will follow you, but let me first go and bid them farewell who are at my house.” But Jesus said to him, “No one having put his hand to the plow, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God.” NKJV
*I will follow you: This man volunteered to follow Jesus without reservation. His problem was that he had not realistically counted the cost of discipleship. His enthusiasm, based on his feelings of the moment, would not be strong enough to sustain him during the trials that lay ahead. Jesus warned the would-be disciple that He, “the son of man”, did not even have the ordinary comforts of home.
*Son of man: Jesus used this Messianic title (drawn from Daniel 7:13, 14) over 80 times to refer to Himself.
*Let me first go and bury my father: This passage most likely describes a follower whose father was still alive, because by Levitical law, the man would not be out in public if his father had just died. His father was (?) aged, so the man wanted to go to his home, wait for his father to die, and then follow Christ. Jesus’ answer means that we must never make excuses for refusing to follow Him. There is no better time than NOW! Does the call of God receive priority over everything else? Is Jesus truly your first love?
*Putting a hand to the plow: Means going to (the) work. That work is serving the Kingdom.
*Looking back: makes it difficult to plow a straight line to the goal.
*Fit for the kingdom of God: Jesus’ remark points to the seriousness of this commitment to Him.
Prescription for Revival by R.A. Torrey
“I can give you a prescription that will bring a revival to any church or community or any city on earth. The prescription is as follows:
1. Let a few Christians (they need not be many) get thoroughly right with God themselves. This is the prime essential! IF this is not done, the rest that I am to say will come to nothing.
2. Let them bind themselves together to pray for a revival until God opens the heavens and comes down.
3. Let them put themselves at the disposal of God for Him to use as He sees fit in winning others to Christ.
THAT IS ALL!
If this is all foolish talk to you and you don’t think Satan is real or that he doesn’t attack Christians, you probably aren’t trying to do much for the cause of Christ and the Kingdom to come. But, if you too find yourself at a “cross” road, find comfort in this:
“…being confident of this. That He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus”. Philippians 1:6. Other suggested passage readings: II Timothy 2:3, 4; Matthew 5:10-12; Matthew 10: 16-39; Romans 8:17; I Peter 4:12-14; Revelation 13:7.
Prayer requests:
*November 5th was Bishop (my son’s) 16th birthday. Please keep them (Monique, Brontë and Bishop) in your prayers.
*A friend was released from prison and is being turned over to I.C.E. (Immigration) for deportation. He talked to his sister who will help him get to San Juan del Rio (home). Thanks to the Phish Bowl saints, P.B.M. was able to mail his bible home since I.C.E. would not let him bring anything from prison. His name is Fernando.
*A brother and sister in Christ (on the streets) are going through a time of testing. To tell you the truth, this has been a long season for them both. They love the Lord and serve Him faithfully. But, they find themselves in need. I ask that those who have will trust our Lord and provide for their needs.
As for me:
*God is still working on me; did you pick this up in this month’s writing? Pray that I put pride at the foot of the cross and stop caring what others think of me, and work with the men God gives to me. No matter how dirty they are. At one time, I thought this was dead in me. Just to pop up again—it’s ugly! Dead bones head and this attitude in me make me sick and sadden my heart.
*I’m getting pretty good at volleyball and this gets me out to yard two or three times a week for about 1 hour 45 minutes of fun. I no longer am sitting on the sidelines hoping to get picked, but end up on one of the first two teams to play. I’ve never been good at sports. Since I can remember, I only had a love for motorcycles and the life style that goes with it. Sports are a big part of prison life.
Blessed Thanksgiving
May our Lord bring peace, joy and forgiveness to your Thanksgiving table. P.B.M. is planning a “spread” for this day, thanks once again to the donations provided by some of the Phishermen on the street that make sure that Phish Bowl is stocked with coffee, hygiene, aspirins and many other needs for the forsaken here at Fremont. Each month God provides just what is needed for His ministries and also to get this teaching to you.
And, that’s about it, friends. Be cheerful. Keep things in good repair. Keep your spirits up. Think in harmony. Be agreeable. Do all that and the God of love and peace will be with you for sure. Greet one another with a holy embrace. All the brothers here say ‘hello’.
The amazing grace of the Master, Jesus the Christ, the awesome love of God our Father, the close friendship of the Holy Spirit, be with all of you.
Phish Bowl & Coffee Cup Daily Reading
December 2009
1 Galatians 1 16 Ephesians 6
2 Galatians 2 17 Haggai 1
3 Galatians 3 18 Haggai 2
4 Galatians 4 19 Philippians 1
5 Galatians 5 20 Philippians 2
6 Galatians 6 21 Philippians 3
7 Malachi 1 22 Philippians 4
8 Malachi 2 23 Habakkuk 1
9 Malachi 3 24 Habakkuk 2
10 Malachi 4 25 CHRISTMAS: I'M PRAYING FOR YOU ALL
11 Ephesians 1 26 Habakkuk 3
12 Ephesians 2 27 Colossians 1
13 Ephesians 3 28 Colossians 2
14 Ephesians 4 29 Colossians 3
15 Ephesians 5 30 Colossians 4
31 Obadiah
